


i can't help myself

by ruthlessgame



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: (at the end tho), Adora's family is from Argentina, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Chicana Catra, F/F, First Kiss, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, High School, Homophobia, Human Catra (She-Ra), Insecurity, Kinda, Lesbian Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner's A+ Parenting, Slow Burn, adora overthinks a lot, author writes a fic slightly based on her and her gf's first meeting and gradual getting together, because im chicana and i said so !!!!, pls, she's white tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29235963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthlessgame/pseuds/ruthlessgame
Summary: “Adora Weaver,” Catra says, the name flowing out of her mouth effortlessly. “That’s a nice name.” At that moment, Adora allows herself to fully look.Catra’s eyes are a beaming blue and gold in the sunlight, irises captured by small flecks of green; the slope of her jaw is sharp, contrasting against the fullness of her cheeks. Her thick, curly hair stretches in waves over her shoulders, over her burgundy tank top that showcases her prominent collarbones. Her lips - plump and a deep red - are pulled into a smirk, a smirk that forces Adora to drag her face away, suddenly remembering Bow’s words of obviousness.-orAdora Weaver is intent on not getting distracted during her sophomore year of high school. Her plans for the year are thorough and meticulous, until a transfer student named Catra Perez suddenly enters her life, leading Adora into a spiral of self-discovery and intense pining.She resolves to ignore Catra for the rest of the year, convincing herself that she can't be steered from her aspirations.If only she knew Catra felt the same way.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	i can't help myself

**Author's Note:**

> okay.
> 
> i didn't expect this to happen, but it kinda evolved on its own. i started thinking of my gf and i's story and how hilarious it kinda is, which led to me thinking of catradora in our shoes, and /then/ i ended up with 2700 words in my docs and a half-outline.
> 
> this fic will be multi-chaptered (probably 3 chapters, from my planning) and will be slow burn. the sexual tension is like hardly there. just some longing glances at the other from across the locker room while getting dressed. (personal note: getting dressed in front of ur crush sucks so bad, i literally died again and again each day in gym) 
> 
> ALSO!! thank u sm to dani (@comfortcharacters) for editing this! i'd sell my soul for u. i love u.
> 
> title is from "hey stephen" by taylor swift because a) adora would be a taylor stan b) it was what i listened to when i was crushing on my gf at 15 and c) all my fic titles are derided from taylor's songs. it is what it is.
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

-

“Geez, Adora,” Glimmer scoffs, flipping through her friend’s dense planner, a sticky note nearly ripping off a page from the roughness of her small hands. “It’s barely the first day.”

“You already planned what you’re doing during winter break?” Bow nearly shrieks, his voice cracking on the last word as his brown eyes flit across the colorful pages of her planner. 

Adora nearly sinks into her chair at that, carefully looking around them to see if surrounding tables are staring at the trio. Thankfully, the volume of the cafeteria is raised during lunchtime, so no one notices her friends’ bewildered commentary. 

Adora’s ears are burning and she deftly pulls the planner from her friends’ puzzled faces, palms sweating from sheer nerves. “You guys know my mom.” 

Bow frowns knowingly and Glimmer sighs. 

“Yeah,” Glimmer says, beginning to munch on a carrot. “I know your mom is _insane._ It’s barely sophomore year and we literally do nothing on the first day, anyway.” 

Adora leans back into her chair, crosses her arms, and thinks how Glimmer has a point - but it’s not like she can really do anything about it. The meticulousness is innate for her at this rate, anyway. 

By each first day of school, Adora’s yearly aspirations are methodical and spread out chaotically in her planner, already having been dwelled on throughout the summer.

Her mom was stern on her convictions of academic success, forcing Adora to plan upcoming semesters throughout her school career, the pressure increasing with each successive year. It was routine now: take up a volunteering position during the summer, attend a college workshop, practice her hockey drills. There was seldom any time for relaxation, except when her mom allowed her to hang out at Glimmer’s house, and _only_ because Glimmer’s mom was the principal. 

“ _It’s about connections, Adora,”_ her mom always repeated, the mantra constantly folding over in Adora’s head. “ _Nothing can stilt your success.”_

And that part Adora was especially keen on this year, after two failed long-distance relationships in freshman year and a summer filled with depression-induced isolation. She had spent the past few months slightly ignoring her friends, focusing instead on her volunteering position at a horse sanctuary. It hadn’t helped her emotionally in the slightest like talking to her friends would, but it had assisted her in feeling as if she had control, at least momentarily. 

Sometimes, it felt as if the weight of the world was balanced on her shoulders, with the number of responsibilities she had and the daunting expectations placed upon her. It’s easy for her to get lost in tasks, lost inside the mantras her mom has been repeating for years. 

Adora dwells on the tiredness plaguing her, looking down at the planner under her arms. 

“Is your mom still mad she couldn’t pull you out of PE?” Glimmer asks, pulling Adora out of her thoughts. 

Adora raises her eyebrows at that, thrumming her fingers against the lunch table. It’s enough of an answer, and Glimmer clicks her tongue. Bow laughs. 

“Of course,” Glimmer says. “She texts my mom once in a while, insisting that your hockey coach will sign some forms or whatever to prove,” Glimmer makes quotation marks with her fingers now, “’ You’re meeting the requirements.’” 

“Ugh,” Adora groans, putting her face in her hands now, willing the chatter around her to drown out her thoughts. “Of course. I mean, I see her point. The district is so weird for not allowing that, but we literally do _nothing_ in that class. And it’s nice to do _nothin_ g sometimes.” 

“It’s your last year of PE, too,” Glimmer replies. “You're bound to have meaningless classes.” 

“And,” Bow adds happily, “We have PE together this year! And it’s after lunch too, which is nice. An hour of nothingness.” 

Adora nods in agreement, laying her head down in her arms, planner solid under her. She blinks blearily. It’s barely the first day of school and she’s already stressed about how her grades will look in a few months. She’s taking more honors courses than last year and her first AP course, meaning there are assignments due within the first week. It’s daunting, to say the least.

Instead of focusing on her thoughts, she decides to gaze up at her friends, gratitude suddenly flooding her at the sight of their dynamic. She watches them fight over Glimmer’s pudding cup, observing how Bow scrunches his face when Glimmer licks the bottom of the tin to mark it. Her heart pangs with affection.

She allows herself this tiny moment of contentment and shuts her eyes for the rest of lunch.

-

Bow and Adora playfully topple to the floor of the gym, awaiting their gym teacher’s instructions. Since it’s the first day of class, they aren’t expected to do anything (as if they will regularly do _anything_ , anyway) and students press together on the hardwood floor, shoes squeaking with their movements. The air is filled with casual chatter and a slight awkwardness, some people appearing uncomfortable as they opt to sit alone - the realization that the room is filled with sole strangers depicted clearly on their faces. 

If Adora was alone, she’d probably be reeling anxiously at the sight of it. She’s not as good at social situations as she’d like to be, much to her mom’s dismay.

 _Probably from a childhood of homeschooling_ , she ruminates. 

Bow turns to Adora now, pressing his shoe against her thigh where they sit cross-legged. “Thankfully, Ms. Anderson is cool. We really just rotate through badminton and basketball throughout the year, with the occasional mile thrown in there.”

Adora smiles at that, kicks Bow’s shin playfully, and sarcastically says, “Poor you! No bleachers.” Pleased by Bow’s contorted face of annoyance, she continues, ”We both know how much you _love_ bleachers.”

Bow squints his eyes at her, aware of her teasing. “Not everyone is some ripped athlete like you.”

“You literally do archery outside of school.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like _hockey_ ,” Bow says. Adora’s mouth opens to retort when his eyes widen suddenly and he begins to wave frantically at someone behind her. Curiosity piqued, she starts to turn her body around before she hears a familiar voice calling them.

“Bow! Adora!” Scorpia yells excitedly from across the gym, and Adora breaks into a wide smile as she turns around to stare at her tall friend, already rising up with Bow to meet her, gathering her bag and planner eagerly. 

_This will be a fun year,_ she thinks to herself. _A period of nothingness with a couple of friends._

It’s not until she stands fully on her feet and faces Scorpia that she realizes she’s standing idly with someone else. A girl. A really _pretty_ girl at that, apparent even from across the room. Petite, long curls cascading down her back, hand on her hip. Adora gulps. 

She doesn’t even realize that Bow is walking ahead of her until he turns around to beckon her to follow.

“Uh, Adora?” he starts, watching as Adora visibly gapes ahead of her. He turns confusedly, following her sight, before it dawns on him at the sight of _her_. He sighs, walks over to grab at her elbow. “Adora, you dumb lesbian.”

“W-what?” Adora stutters confusedly, feeling Bow pull at her as they begin walking to where Scorpia and Pretty Girl stand. “What’d I do?”

“She’s _just_ an attractive girl,” Bow consoles half-jokingly, wrapping an arm around Adora’s sturdy shoulders, patting the side of her arm. “Don’t make it obvious.”

Adora sputters, her mind beginning to run in circles as she grapples at her planner in hand. “Huh?! Make what obvious?”

Bow doesn’t have time to respond because suddenly, they’re in front of Scorpia and her friend, and he’s greeting them happily, dropping his arm from her shoulder and leaving Adora to stand awkwardly at his side, face clearly flushed. 

“Hey, Scorpia!” Bow says, his tone containing its usual upbeatness. Adora can feel her knees trembling. “Hey...”

“Catra,” the girl finishes for him, flashing him a flattering smile and, oh god, Adora’s going to die, because that name is already imprinting in her mind, her voice raspy and melodic, and now her eyes skim over to Adora - 

“Bow!” Scorpia squeals happily, bending down to scoop him into a hug and squishing his ribs in the process. “Oh god, I’m so happy we have this class together!”

“Scorpia-” Bow coughs, and that’s when _Catra_ opens her mouth to speak again, this time her attention directed at Adora. 

“She’s a hugger, huh?” Catra says conversationally, and Adora should introduce herself, should laugh in agreement, but because she’s _Adora,_ she replies with a small nod, avoiding direct eye contact. Catra’s gaze lingers on her - Adora can feel it burning through her skin - and thankfully, Scorpia pulls her into a hug just then.

“Adora!” Scorpia slightly lifts her from the ground, toned arms wrapping around her smaller body, constricting her airflow.

“Scorpia,” Adora breathes out in reply, wincing at the sensation of her ribs being simultaneously crushed by Scorpia’s arms and her dense planner. She vaguely remembers that Catra is probably watching them, the familiarity of anxiety easing its way to her chest. _An hour of nothingness,_ her mind quips at her clammy hands, at Catra’s presence. 

Soon, her feet are on the floor once more, and as she teeters clumsily back into balance, her planner falls from her arms and to the floor, causing a loud thud to resound through the gym with its hard cover. Colorful sticky notes spread across the hardwood, and Adora’s ears burn profusely, embarrassment clouding her from action. The surrounding groups turn to look at them in confusion. 

Catra lets out a snort. The ground should just open up beneath Adora now. One of the most attractive people she’s ever met finds her embarrassment _amusing._

“Adora,” Bow gasps, immediately on his knees as Scorpia sputters out a dozen apologies before she’s on her knees too, the two of them scrambling to gather Adora’s ridiculous papers. The sight of them gathering her papers causes her to numbly remember, _Oh, yeah, I dropped my planner_ , before she’s on her knees too, arms heavy with mortification.

Briefly, she forgets Catra is standing above them until her voice eases into the awkward tension. 

“Wow,” Catra drawls. “ _Adora,_ that’s a big ass planner you have there.” 

“Catra,” Scorpia says evenly. Adora’s heart is in her throat.

It’s quiet until all three of them rise, with Adora shoving papers haphazardly back into her planner, and Bow reaches out to press a hand on her arm reassuringly, eyes searching as he gazes into her face. 

“Be careful there,” Bow tells Adora quietly, and Adora simply nods in reply, too disconcerted to _think._ She doesn’t have the chance to gather herself because their gym teacher walks in, directing them to sit in lines for attendance.

She sighs in relief, ignoring how Catra continues to stare at her, her face drawn in contemplation. 

-

It’s after class when Scorpia and Catra approach them once more as students file out of the classroom, scurrying off to their last period. Bow spares a worrying glance at Adora before directing his attention towards the pair, blindly reaching out to squeeze her hand in reassurance quickly. Adora tries not to vibrate too much beside him, focusing on the white Nikes her mom purchased for her recently. They’re easier to trace with her eyes than Scorpia and Catra’s faces, _especially_ after Catra teased her for making a fool of herself earlier. 

“Hey,” Scorpia starts. “What class do you guys have? I have Algebra II right now.” 

“Art,” Bow smiles, turning his attention to Adora. He’s gentle when he asks, “What class do you have again, Adora?” 

“Uh, Language Arts II,” she mumbles to Scorpia, not noticing how Catra perks up at that. 

“Honors?” Catra asks, and Adora barely nods.

“Me too, do you want to walk together?” She asks the question so easily, her voice soft, and that’s when Adora finally makes eye contact with her, mentally noting how her eyes are different colors: one blue, one golden. Her heart hammers in her chest like a crow in its cage, pale skin turning a bright red. 

Adora looks nervously at Bow, the two of them sharing a silent conversation briefly, before the both of them mentally decide on a firm _no_. She cranes her head over to Catra slowly. 

“Maybe another time? I promised Bow I’d walk him to class.” 

Catra shrugs. If she’s disappointed, she doesn’t show it, face eased into pure acceptance. “Okay. That’s cool.” 

Scorpia smiles at them, and the four of them walk out of the gym doors together, Bow and Scorpia in the front, Catra and Adora following behind. Bow looks behind at Adora multiple times questioningly, Adora nods ‘ _I'm fine’_ in response. 

_“_ Hey,” Catra says between them as the afternoon sun hits their faces, causing Adora to squint at the brightness. Her eyes flit down to the planner in Adora’s arms, throat noticeably quivering with a gulp. “I didn’t really have the chance to introduce myself, but I’m sorry about-“

Adora would rather die than hear Catra’s apology, having already accepted in the duration of gym class that Catra’s first impression of her was thwarted by her anxious tendencies. Why couldn’t Catra lay in the bed she already set up for them? Adora’s plan was to avoid her for the rest of the year, but with the way Catra was staring at her apologetically, a ball lodged into her chest and told her that she just _couldn’t_. 

“It’s fine,” Adora interrupts, moving her head slightly to look at Catra’s delicate face, at her curls pressed against her tan skin. _Too much_ , she thinks and opts to look ahead instead, at Bow and Scorpia’s backs walking in front. “I’m a dork, I’m used to it.” 

“No, you’re not,” Catra reassures, her voice serious and the weight of her words hit Adora like a train. She decides not to dwell on it too hard. “Let me start over.” 

She clears her throat. “Hi, I’m Catra Perez. Nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

“That sounds terribly forced,” Adora slightly chuckles, not missing how Catra’s nose adorably twitches in indignation. “But I’m Adora Weaver.”

“Adora Weaver,” Catra says, the name flowing out of her mouth effortlessly. “That’s a nice name.” At that moment, Adora allows herself to fully _look._

Catra’s eyes are a beaming blue and gold in the sunlight, irises captured by small flecks of green; the slope of her jaw is sharp, contrasting against the fullness of her cheeks. Her thick, curly hair stretches in waves over her shoulders, over her burgundy tank top that showcases her prominent collarbones. Her lips - plump and a deep red - are pulled into a smirk, a smirk that forces Adora to drag her face away, suddenly remembering Bow’s words of obviousness. 

“Who’s your teacher for English?” Adora asks instead, fixing her gaze on the passing buildings. They’ll have to part ways soon since she has to walk Bow to his class, his classroom being a few feet off from the English building. She now realizes how expansive the school gym is; they’ve barely walked out of the gate separating the area from the rest of the school. 

“Harter,” Catra replies, kicking at a wrapper discarded carelessly on the floor. “This school is supposed to be better than Horde High?” She looks around in disgust. “There’s so much shit _everywhere._ ”

Adora’s shoulders deflate slightly at the answer, but she quickly raises them before Catra can notice. “Ah, I have Moore.” 

She takes a deep breath, stares at the slope of Catra’s side profile, and impulsively decides to press on the mention of _Horde High_ at that moment, watching Catra’s long eyelashes flutter in the light. 

“You transferred?” Adora asks shyly and wants to slap herself immediately afterward because it’s _obvious_ she did.

“Yeah,” Catra glances over at Adora, face suddenly unreadable at the question. “I did.”

It’s quiet after that, and then Bow and Scorpia, who’ve been talking pleasantly in front of them, turn around to stare at them, mid-laugh.

“Adora,” Bow says, a laugh still echoing in his tone. “Come on, we have like 5 minutes before class starts.”

“Okay,” Adora calls back. She turns to Catra hesitantly, who’s already staring at her with the same unreadable face from moments before.

“I’ll see you around, Adora.” Catra smirks, beginning to walk ahead of her, keeping her gaze until she inevitably turns around, her lithe body swaying with each step. 

There, standing alone with her heart thrashing ferociously in her hands, the mantra of _Nothing can stilt your success_ pulsing through her body, Adora concludes that she won’t walk with Catra to class for the rest of the year.

**Author's Note:**

> hey, thanks for reading! feedback is greatly appreciated <3
> 
> the next chapter should be up by next week! im easing into the spring semester, so i hope to have it out by then! 
> 
> good night/morning/afternoon and stay healthy!


End file.
